After the Honeymoon is Over!
We returned home to Colorado after our wedding. For the next few months we talked about having children. My parents had also offered us an opportunity to come back to Texas and take over my mom’s business. We would run her office for a while while awaiting to become agents. I originally turned the idea down, and after many talks and consideration, we decided to take them up on their offer. We packed up our things and moved to Texas the following March (1 yr after we met). A couple weeks after we moved, we found out we were pregnant! Pregnant….I was so excited, it was the most important thing to me. To be a wife. mother…Pure Bliss! I was working with Will at the office during this time and we bickered and bickered. We both had business experience and being controlling and out-spoken, I often voiced my concern and cut down my husband and his opinion. He made a big mistake, and rather than talking to him away from the office, I just let it all out…more than once. We fought all the time. There was another huge obstacle in our life, one I hope that someday he will talk about in his writings on this blog. This obstacle would add so much fuel to the fire until it became too much to handle. He felt like everyone in the small town was judging him. And, because of my tough love way of being, it just made things worse. So, back to the pregnancy. I was getting more and more pregnant and we were fighting more and more. We bought a home and started preparing. Everything became so busy and we became more stressed out. My husband decided he should get a different job. I thought that it migh be a great idea. Even that became a struggle. I am leaving out some very big issues and with respect to my husband, I will let him add more and share when he is ready, or if he even feels it is necessary. I can just say that our life was crumbling, and I was 5 months pregnant, sitting at my parents home all alone talking on the phone to my husband. At this point, he had already moved out and back to Colorado. He told me on the phone that he was depressed. His depression was something that had become pretty common in our lives and I did not know how to help nor respond. I feared that he might take his life. He didnt come to see me on his way back to Colorado and that was the end. I spent the rest of the pregnancy alone. My mom helped me decorate Andrews room. I will see if I can find a picture because it was so cute. How was I going to do this alone? Never in my life have I been so scared. I chose to have a c-section due to the stress I was under. The c-section allowed the drs to discover that I had ITP and if they had given me an epidural that day, It could have killed me. I delivered the most beautiful baby boy, Andrew, December 29, 2006. I was alone. Something at the time I fought would come back to be one of my biggest regrets….not allowing Will to be at the hospital with us. The divorce could not be finalized until Andrew was born. I fought to keep Will away from Andrew as much as possible. Just so I dont sound like an evil person, at the time I felt there were good reasons why. I also loved my baby and was so attached that I didnt want a day without him. To this day, I think that has hindered us a bit. We have seperation anxiety with our kids….So we were divorced in April of 2006. It wasnt pretty. For the next two years we would both go on with our lives, seperately, and fight over everything and do nothing but put eachother down. Reading this I start to tear up. It brings back a lot of painful memories, but most of all, as I am sitting next to my husband right now typing this, it reminds me that everyone is precious, and everyone has their problems and their faults, but GOD can bring you back from the brinks. And by the last writing I post about our divorce and re-marriage, you will see instances where God’s plan came through in our lives.
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