I realize the post I wrote yesterday may be hard for some to understand. I found social media yesterday to be quite disturbing. Not because people were changing their profile pictures to equal signs, but because after some of the comments made about my post, I realized there are many people who do not know God as their personal Lord and Savior.
Yesterday I was told not to hide behind my Bible. So, I decided today was a good day to share my testimony. I began this blog in hopes that one, yes even one, person would feel the Holy spirit wrap his arms around. I am here to express my own opinions, and say it how I see it. I am learning just like you are, but one thing I never question is how much God loves me. I strive to put him first. I want to share his word with everyone, and if that makes someone uneasy, then so be it. Life is not easy. Being a Christian is not easy.
How did I come to know the Lord? I grew up in a Christian family. They went to church some. We prayed some. I have never doubted that God existed. When I was about 12 we went to church camp. In one of the church services the emotions in the room led me to believe that I needed God more. I invited Jesus into my heart, was saved, and baptized. It was just a normal testimony..
For the next 20 years I would make many many bad choices. Not living my life with any purpose. After high school, I went to too many parties. I drank excessively, lost a lot of weight, and made many bad choices with men. I can’t even bring myself to share any stories from then. The sad part is that God brought several amazing people into my life, but I was so lost that I didn’t even realize it. I didn’t believe I deserved good, and I thought they deserved so much better. I have so many stories that would make you want to lock up your daughters. Sorry mom and dad for all those years.
My testimony doesn’t really begin until 2009. Will and I split when I was pregnant with Andrew. We divorced shortly after he was born. It was ugly. I hated him, and I was not happy with God because I blamed him for getting me into that situation. I was one of those people that only went to God when I needed him, and I prayed for all the things that I wanted. I spent so many nights on my knees praying for God to bring me and amazing man. I prayed for God to make me happy. I can look back and realize I prayed quite a bit. I also went to church more. Even though I was reaching out for God, I was still making bad choices and praying only for what I wanted.
The changes in me would take three years. I had to see Will when he came to see Andrew. It was very hard, one of the hardest things I have ever been through. At the same time that I was struggling, Will had met a couple of people who would forever change our lives. Will was saved and began reading his Bible. Will and I never discussed religion much before we were married. I wasn’t even sure if he believed in God, and at that time, I didn’t think it mattered. But, God began to work in him while we were apart. We had both moved on. We had no idea what God had in store for us. Will was engaged to be married. When he got engaged, something in my head said, your child will now have a new mommy. Things will never be the same.
God showed himself to me two different times. God had already planted a seed. When Will told me he was getting married, he made the remark that he had hoped that things could somehow work out between us. I ignored it, but that seed was planted. Some time after that, I was sitting at Sonic and Andrew was in the back seat asleep. It was like something possessed me. I picked up the phone and called Will. At this point Will and I never spoke to each other other than to argue over visitation. I believe we talked about Andrew being in his wedding. Because of the seed God had planted, and I cannot believe this happened, but I said, Will, do you ever think what if. That one question would be the start of God’s work in me. It took one more year, but I began to change. I didn’t know why I was changing, but it happened whether I wanted it or not. One day, and yes it happened like this, I was standing in my office and Will was coming from Colorado to pick up Andrew, and I felt God move in me. I said out loud, “This can work.” ”We can make this work”. Then I remember turning to Diego, my employee, and telling him that I think I want to make things work with Will. I can remember it like it was yesterday. He may not remember, but he asked me if I was sure. I also remember him being supportive. I would love to hear his side of the story! His support helped to give me the push I needed.
That moment is the moment that I felt God come into my life. That is the moment that I decided I had to change. At that moment I decided to put God first. At that moment, I decided to stop praying for my will to be done and start giving God the will over my life. Will and I began to mend. We vowed to start going to church, praying together and doing bible studies every night.
We will be celebrating 8 years of marriage this year. Why do I share our story? I share in hopes that your eyes will be opened to what God wants for you. I also share it because it holds us accountable. I would love to hear from you about your testimony. You can leave a comment below, or you can also find me on facebook at https://www.facebook.com/HomeBloggingMom?ref=hl . May God shine in your lives today. If your marriages are struggling, I pray that God will turn them around.